Half a Year (6 Months)

6 Months.  It’s been 183 days, 4,392 hours, 263,520 minutes, and 15,811,200 seconds since June 12^th.

June 12^th, 2014 will be a day that will stick in my mind forever.  June 12^th will be a day that I playback again and again.  June 12^th is when my life forever changed as the life of my dear friend and mentor Kevin Bruursema was knocked onto a very different course.  June 12^th is when Kevin was riding his scooter on his way, presumably, to the church that he had been pastoring for the past 14 years.  June 12^th is when his bright orange scooter was struck by a car because of bad decisions made by the driver.  June 12^th is when Kevin went from dreaming about what the next half-year would look like to being in a reality he never saw coming.

6 Months.  I was on my way out of New Life Community Church West Lakeview that day.  I was on my way to my other job as a Pharmacy Technician.  I had my bicycle in my hands headed out the door to zoom over for my normal Thursday routine.  But I heard a shout in the building and then my phone rang.  That’s when I heard the news of the accident.

6 Months.  It took only a minute to process what was next, bike home, grab bike lock, go to hospital.  I’ve never biked faster in my entire life.  Running into the apartment, heart racing, “Brooke Kevin’s been in an accident, no details, tell people to pray.”  Back on bike, pedals have to move faster, Lord don’t let this be bad, Lord let it be a miscommunication, Lord let me see Kevin laughing that I raced over, Lord let it be ok.

6 Months.  Lock up bike, run into the ER, “I’m here to see Kevin Bruursema.”  Silence…One second passes yet feels like an eternity…”Umm hold on one second sir.”  “I’m sorry we are going to have to wait for his wife to get here before we brief you.”  Stomach drop…that’s not a good sign.  Praying. Praying. Praying.

6 Months.  Others arrive, rumors of what’s going on with Kevin are seeping out from hospital staff.  This isn’t looking good.

6 Months.  More people come, Gillian is taken upstairs to hear the truths on Kevin’s status.   Surgery!  Brain Injury!  Tears…

6 Months.  The rest of June 12^th plays out with prayer gatherings in the hospital chapel, updating those who are praying, picking kids up from school (how do you tell children their father is in critical condition?), pizza in the hospital hallway, and a successful surgery.

6 Months.  Waiting in line to get on the elevator.  Doors open.  Get on. Surgical Intensive Care Unit Floor (home for the next couple months).  Get Off.  Walk through doors and into the room.  Silence.  Kevin lays motionless.  Breathing machine makes loud noises.  Pain.  Why?  Why him?  Why a nice guy?  Why a father of five?  Why to a loving husband, a caring pastor, a visionary leader…Why?

End of Day 1.

I’m writing this 6 months after day 1 and yet this Thursday feels like a decade ago.  I remember every detail like it was yesterday but these past 6 months have been hard.  Here is what I can tell you about the last 6 months.  God is gracious in a tragic time.  God is a healer when doctors say it won’t heal.    God is caring when you most need it.  God’s will prepares you in ways you never saw coming.

I’ve been thinking how to put the past 6 months in words and I simply can’t.  Through them Kevin has gone from critical condition to talking, eating, and laughing.  Through them my son Abraham went from not being able to sit up to crawling, eating solid foods, and starting to stand.  Through them I’ve gone from training to be a Pastor to being a Pastor.  Some have asked me has it been hard filling the shoes of a great pastor?  I answer the way my friend Jim told me on day 3, those aren’t your shoes to fill.  So I’m wearing my Clarks Dessert Boots and asking God to lead me day after day after day.  What’s been hard is seeing someone I care for so deeply go through such a long road of recovery, but the road IS leading to recovery.

6 Months-I’m waiting for 6 more to see how this story progresses.  I’m hopeful that at that time Kevin will be writing his story.

6 Months-Through ups and downs, anger, sadness, happiness, hurts and triumphs, one thing has remained consistent, God our father cares for us and instills in us the power and the words to do his will.  That’s how I’ve made it through these past 6 months. And I’m counting on Him to lead me through each next ‘6’ after this.

6 Months

It’s been 6 Months.

6 Months since the birth of my son, Abraham.

6 Months since I was immersed into parenthood.

6 Months since I’ve written on this blog.

It’s been 6 months since I’ve written anything, well, because being a parent is hard.  Yes, I know I’m breaking new ground here but being a dad is hard.  Taking care of another human being is not a 40-hour a week job but it’s a 168-hour a week job.  So to get back to writing again I thought I’d summarize what the past 6 months have been like.

To begin with, the first month of having a baby disappears before you even know it.  All I can remember is waking up in the middle of the night to grab the boy to bring to his mom, changing his diaper, and being over the moon when he smirked at us for the first time.  I also remember being terrified at every new corner.  Is he still breathing?  Is he too hot?  Is he too cold?

After the first month I thought maybe we are figuring this parenting thing out but then these so-called ‘growth spurts’ came about.  Every time I think I’ve figured out how my son operates he decides to change his habits and throw us off our game.  What do you mean you don’t like to be swaddled, you used to love that! Why aren’t you sleeping, you should be sleeping!

Over these past 6 months Abraham has put us through health scares, many sleepless nights, endless amounts of entertainment, and some of the most enjoyable moments of my life.

After Brooke and I got married the biggest thing I realized was how selfish I am.  How I want my things and I want to do things my way.  I realize this and I try to put Brooke’s needs first (seems to always be a work in progress), as two become one.

After Abraham was born the biggest thing I realized is how much independence drives me.  I can no longer make spur of the moment decisions. I can no longer do things whenever I want. I have a son whose needs come first.  It’s easy to think about the things I can’t do, but the truth is that having a child depend on you is one of the hardest yet most rewarding jobs.

A few weeks ago I faced a breaking point.  Brooke was working and I had Abraham for the afternoon/evening.  He had been with my mom for morning/early afternoon and he was deciding not to eat from the bottle again.  I got him home and by that time he hadn’t eaten for 4-5 hours (yet if you’ve seen my son, you know if he didn’t eat for a week he has enough fat to sustain him). Needless to say, he was crabby.

So I warm up his bottle, sit down and for an hour I try to feed my son, but he keeps pushing it away.  His cry is getting louder and louder and he just refuses to eat.  I try to put this crabby boy to sleep but he refuses to sleep, he just keeps crying.  I try and feed him again, more refusing and more crying.  At this point it had been about 2-3 hours of crying, not eating, and refusing to sleep, I hit my breaking point.

I was rocking my son trying to calm him down when tears started streaming down MY face.  I was trying so hard to give him what he needed but he wouldn’t take it.  I began to ask the questions, “What did I get myself into?”  “Am I cut out for this?”  “Am I bad parent?”  I was texting Brooke while sobbing, and I felt like a failure.  I was failing as a parent.

So I put my son down, laid on the couch and took a deep breath.  I prayed asking God to give me the strength to go back in and care for my son.  I knew that even though I felt like a loser, like a failing father, I had a responsibility to care for my son at all times, when I’m tired, when I’m angry, when I’m failing.

I went back in with a new attitude and cared for my crying son till he finally fell asleep in my arms.  I stared down at his adorable face and I thought I’d do it all again.  I’d go through these past 4 hours of crying and screaming to get to this point, my son asleep in my arms, relying on my care for him.

Here is what these past 6 months have taught me.  I’m never going to figure out parenting.  I’m never going to feel like I’m an expert, like I’ve got all the answers.  When Abraham wakes up at 3 AM, I’m never going to enjoy getting out of bed to rock him back to sleep.  But I’m always going to care for him.  I’m always going to look out for what’s best for him.  When he refuses what I know he needs, I’m still going to offer it to him, even though it pains me when he refuses it. As his parent, I need to care for him by giving him what he needs.

Ultimately, when I was sitting there with my son asleep in my arms, I thought how our Father, God, knows what is best for us.  Yet, as his children, we try and go our own way, we refuse the care that he is offering us.  We cry and throw fits when things don’t go our way while he is holding us trying to feed us the truth we need.

My son has taught me that just as he refuses the care I know he needs, I refuse the care God knows that I need.  I know I cry and scream and don’t make it easy for God but I also know that he will always be there caring for me.  I just have to stop fighting and accept that he knows what’s best for me.  So many times I fight for my independence but really what I have to do is realize I am ever dependent on God and his provision and care for my life.

Your Name Shall be Abraham

Dear Abraham (an open letter to my son),

I am writing you this blog post so that you can know about your namesake.

In my high school years I became quite intrigued with Abraham Lincoln.  After reading some of his speeches and learning about the difference he made in this country I was fascinated on how this man lived.  Though he was a great leader he had his down falls in family relationships but above all he wanted to make a difference and fix the wrongs that he saw.  Lincoln quickly became my favorite president and inspired me to think about how my life can make a difference in this world.

Years later as I was in college and into my graduate school years I became fascinated by a different Abraham, the one from the book of Genesis in the Bible.  I had to write a paper on Abraham’s sacrificial offering of his son.  It was during the research of this paper that I couldn’t stop thinking about how this man trusted God completely that he knew God would provide for him.

Shortly after this I read the book The Road Trip that Changed the World by Mark Sayers.  In the book he gives a clear picture on the bold step Abraham took by leaving his home in Ur and faithfully following God out into the unknown.  He writes this, “Abraham will be educated by God in a different mode of being.  God will enter into a covenantal mode with Abraham that will flow into his ancestors, and into all areas of life.  Abraham will learn to model covenantal relationship with God in contrast to the utilitarian approach of his neighbors to their gods.”

Your mom and I named you Abraham because we pray that you will be a man of God who lives in faith as you follow God through a covenantal relationship with Him.  That as we watch you grow up you will become a man defined by your faith in Christ.  We named you Abraham because we hope that you will look to make a difference in this world.  That you will see the problems around you and as Abraham Lincoln did step up and affect those problems in positive way.  We hope that you will be a man who follows your faith into the unknown.

Your middle name is Wellington because you are named after Wellington Avenue.  Wellington Ave. has been an important street in your mother and my relationship.  In college we would go on study dates at the Caribou right by the intersection of Wellington and Clark.  You were born at Illinois Masonic Hospital which is on Wellington Ave.  Lastly and most importantly we found our church family at the corner of Wellington and Damen. 

This corner has been a home to a church for decades.  It was formerly Galilee Baptist Church where multiple members of that congregation has influenced my life.  It then became New Life Community Church-West Lakeview.  It was there that your mother and I found our family and began our marriage.  It was there that we felt God calling us to stay and live on mission in Chicago.  It was there that we have met families that have become some of our dearest friends and it is there that you will grow up.

Lastly, your family name, Bacon.  Currently Bacon is popular, when I was younger it was not as popular.  We live in a time where there is Bacon of the month clubs, bacon festivals, bacon wrapped everything, and most importantly doughnuts with bacon on them.  But you are not named after the food but after a great heritage.  There aren’t many firstborn bacon men so you have big shoes to fill.  Bacon men work hard.  Your great-grandpa Harold was an amazing man who worked hard and taught his sons to work hard.  It’s just what we do so you too will be a hard-worker.  You will be surrounded by great Bacon men who will love and care for you.  Your Grandpa Brad will shower you with gifts of food.  Your Uncle Ross will take you to many sporting events.  Your Uncle Wesley will teach you how to use tools.  Your Uncle Taylor will show you how to be cool and genuine at the same time.  You have other amazing family members too who will shower you with love, but most importantly you’re a Bacon now so that means you will love pizza, your first slice of Lou Malnati’s (butter crust) is on it’s way.

Your Mother and I love you and we know that you will be an amazing man.

Love,

Your Dad.

Doughnuts!

I love Doughnuts.

Now that I’ve gotten that confession out of the way I’ll also admit that over the past couple months the pregnant one and I have eaten a lot of doughnuts.  Every time I’ve been within a mile of a well reviewed doughnut shop I’ve stopped to get my wife a treat slash I wanted one and I knew she would appreciate it.

So with all the doughnuts we have devoured over these past few months here are my favorites.

1.  Do-Rite Donuts

I read about this place when it opened but because it’s in the loop I wasn’t able to make my way there.  Luckily my lovely sister Abbie last fall picked us up some because she loved them and ever since then I’ve found my favorite doughnut in the city-The Old Fashioned.

The Buttermilk Old Fashioned is the perfect doughnut.  The right mixture of cake and glaze that fills the tastes buds.  Do-Rite doesn’t only have one Old Fashioned but has the Lemon, Cinnamon Crunch, Chocolate, and the Double Chocolate Old Fashioned.  The doughnuts are huge and are worth every penny.

2.  The Doughnut Vault

The glazed doughnuts here are so big and unlike any doughnut I’ve had before.  They are a little expensive but when you only make it a special trip it is well worth the money and time spent in line.

Personal favorite here is the Double Chocolate-can never have enough of that glaze.

3.  Dinkel’s Bakery

The first time I had their Chocolate Doughnut my eyes were opened to a new world of doughnuts, one where Dunkin’ was ousted for the stale rock like treats that they are.

I am biased on this ranking because I lived across the street from this bakery and smelled them each morning I woke up.

4.  Glazed and Infused.

Maple Bacon Long John

Maple BACON Long John

5.  Enoch’s Donuts at Endgrain.

Counted down the days for the opening of Endgrain and ran over there the day it opened, happening to be their first customer that day.

I was a little disappointed because they are quite expensive for such a little donut.  Then one day I returned and discovered the doughscuit.  A doughnut and biscuit combined.  It was heavenly.

Along these stops over the past couple months I’ve also enjoyed City Dough, Stan’s, and Firecakes.  Firecakes was amazing but one of my doughnuts was missing filling which caused it to be bumped from the list.

Rank Them Movies

I love movies but going to the movie theater often is expensive.  So this list is a little late but I’ve finally caught up with the majority of the movies from 2013 that I wanted to see.  Here are my top 5 movies of this past year.

1. Gravity

No movie has stuck with me more this year than Gravity.  I love when directors do something that makes you stop in awe of what you are seeing on the screen.  This movie not only kept me interested and on the edge of my seat but visually it does so much with 3D and the big screen that it makes you feel as if you are floating in outer space with Sandra Bullock.  I’ve told many people this but if you haven’t seen Gravity yet you better run to the theaters and see it while it's still on the big screen.  I know that watching this on a smaller screen won’t resonate like this film does at the movie theater, in 3D, with large speakers that make the horror-like film score shake your bones.

George Clooney is charming and Sandra Bullock has a strong performance making you feel her panic and fear over and over again.  The weak part of Gravity is the script written by Director Alfonso Cuaron’s son Jonas, but the weak writing is elevated by the amazing camera shots synchronized with the terrifying musical score.  I saw this movie when it came out in October and it left me astounded.  Then I went back for a second watch a couple weeks ago because I wanted to experience this captivating film one more time on the big screen.

2.  Nebraska

I’ve begun to realize that the less and less I know about a movie heading into it the more and more I will enjoy it.  This was the case with Nebraska, I knew it was directed by Alexander Payne (“The Descendants”, “About Schmidt”) and I knew that Will Forte (“MacGruber”) was in it.  I kept hearing how interesting this movie was and so I made sure Brooke and I could see it on the “Let’s go to the movies every week before our baby comes and makes it less likely for us to go to the movies tour.”

We walked into a nearly empty theater on a snow day and as the movie started I remembered that it was in black and white and was nervous this may cause Brooke not to enjoy it.  Side note: I usually have an open mind while going into a movie but I’m mainly concerned with my wife liking a movie, especially when I talk her into seeing it, because if she doesn’t like it I feel like somehow I failed at choosing the right movie for us to see-ridiculous I know.

The movie began on an old man walking on the side of a highway and this was the beginning of a gripping movie about a father and a son.  Fathers and their sons and sons and their fathers is always something that intrigues me.  This movie shows a son who knows his father won’t be with him much longer and wants to know who his father is and where he came from.  I won’t say much more about this movie other than it is a touching story that deserves a watch.

3.  Her

I have an IPhone, you have an IPhone, we all have IPhones.  Spike Jonze movies (“Being John Malkovich” “Adaptation”) always make me stop and process what I just watched and “Her” kept that tradition alive.  This movie asks the question how far is too far in our relationship with technology?  Joaquin Phoenix gives another transforming performance as Theodore Twombly a man who falls in love with his Siri like voice operating system voiced by Scarlett Johansson.  This movie shows that technology can’t fulfill the need for relationships, but we need to find our relationships with the people we care for in our lives.  I love the world that Spike Jonze creates in this movie and as I watched this world it seemed like a possible glimpse into our future.  Warning that this movie has a couple uncomfortable scenes of sexual experiences expressed through word.  Aside from those scenes I really enjoyed following Theodore on this journey of figuring out what love is and can you love a programed operating system.

4.  12 Years a Slave

I covered how beautiful this movie is here: http://baconculture.blogspot.com/2013/10/12-years-slave.html

I’ll never forget seeing this movie and the powerful images of the devastation that slavery was.

5.  Mud

Jeff Nichols just keeps directing interesting movies centered around strong male leads.  This movie focuses on Mud (Matthew McConaughey) a man who befriends two boys as he flees men who are seeking to kill him.  At this point anything Jeff Nichols directs will peak my interest because he knows how to tell stories about normal people who go through life changing events.

Honorable Mentions

-Fast 6

-In a World...

-The Act of Killing

The D-Rose Blues

I’ve got the D-Rose Blues and they don't feel good.

About 2 months ago my wife and I came home on a Friday night after dinner out with some friends.  As we entered our apartment I was excited that the Bulls were playing in Portland against the Trail Blazers, because that meant the game started around 9pm instead of 7pm so I hadn’t missed much of the game.  I sat down turned on the game to discover that the Bulls had come out blazin’ (pun intended).  D-Rose looked like he was finally hitting his groove.  It had been a rough start to the season but he had 17pts in the first half.

As the second half began I was pleasantly surprised that the Bulls were leading a game on the dreaded Circus Road Trip part of their schedule.  They usually come out of that road trip with a pretty lousy record, but if they could win this game it could help make the road trip more bearable.

Then towards the end of the 3^rd quarter the Bulls let the Trail Blazers back into the game and Rose was cutting towards the basket.  The Blazers stole the ball and Rose pivoted his knee to go back on defense but as he moved something was wrong!  I could sense it right away.  He turned a casual turn, the kind basketball players make a 100 times a game but his knee couldn’t take the turn.

The camera followed the fast break on the other side of the court but I didn’t care about that, I cared about the little guy at the far left of the screen who was now LIMPING up the court.

The next 10 minutes I was in panic.  Stacey King and Neil Funk kept calling the game like nothing was going on, but there were doctors around Rose!  I knew it was going to be bad news but King and Funk continued to not say anything about it.  Didn’t they realize this was the end of the 2013-2014 Bulls season.
I watched the rest of the game in horror.  Even watched the post game show hoping for news on Rose.  I was 'DApressed' that this could happen again.  I kept asking Why?Why? as I texted my friends and as my wife mourned with me then laughed at me and reminded me that it's basketball, but that fell on deaf ears.

Hours later the news broke that the knee injury was bad and then a couple days later it was announced that Rose was out for the whole season.

This is when I began to get stuck in the D-Rose blues.

The D-Rose blues is the realization that another full season of Bulls basketball is irrelevant.  The D-Rose blues is turning on a Bulls game and cheering for them to win but in the front of your mind you realize it would be better if they lost every game to get a lottery pick in this years hyped NBA Draft.  The D-Rose blues is cheering for your favorite team to lose but then feeling like a bad fan so changing your mind but then feeling sad when they win a game.  The D-Rose blues is hoping that your favorite coach in the world would take his foot off the gas and let the team lose this year because it’ll give them a better future.  The D-Rose blues is seeing how dysfunctional of a franchise you cheer for and reading they might trade one of the best coaches in the NBA.  The D-Rose blues is seeing Luol Deng get traded and getting excited that the Bulls got more draft picks and saved 20 Million dollars in salary, though they lost an amazing defender and one of the leaders of the team.  The D-Rose blues is loving a team that’s future seems bleak.

I love the Chicago Bulls but what will Derrick Rose look like next year?  Can he make it through a season of basketball ever again?  Will Tom Thibodeau be their coach next year?  Can the Bulls ever win the NBA Championship again?

These questions will remain unanswered for a while.  As they wait to be answered I’ll place my hope in a young man named Nikola Mirotić

And if all else fails well I’m becoming a Chicago Sky Fan and fully embracing Elena Delle Donne